Why personal goals fade, and how to keep yours

Goals tend to break in the first ordinary week

Personal goals often fade because they are planned for a good week and have no version for a bad one. A goal lasts longer when it names what you want, has a small version for busy weeks, and gets a short monthly review.

A goal set on a quiet weekend assumes the time will be there. Then the diary fills up again. The goal still asks for an hour at the gym or a chapter every night. That hour now has to come from somewhere else.

After two or three missed sessions, it is easy to decide the goal was a mistake. Often it was fine. It simply had nothing in it for a week that went badly, and no record to show how many weeks had gone well.

Aim towards something, not away from it

The way you word a goal may change whether you keep it. A Stockholm University study, published in PLOS ONE in 2020, tracked the New Year's resolutions of 1,066 members of the public. It was an experiment that gave people different levels of support.

People whose goals moved towards something were more likely to report success than people whose goals moved away from something. The figures were 58.9 per cent against 47.1 per cent.

An avoidance goal names what you want to stop: eat less sugar, stop scrolling at night, worry less about work. An approach goal names what you would do instead. Cook a proper lunch on weekdays. Read for twenty minutes before bed.

Success in the study was self-reported, so treat the gap as a useful hint. The authors also conclude that resolutions can have lasting effects, even a year on. To try it, take one goal that starts with 'stop' or 'less', and write down what you would do with that time instead.

Test whether a goal is worth keeping

Some goals fade because they were never really yours. They came from a colleague, a feed or a vague sense that you ought to want them. Before you put effort into a goal, ask it a few plain questions.

• Would you still want this if nobody else ever knew you had done it?
• Can you describe a normal week once it is part of your life?
• Is there one action you could take this week?
• What would you give up to make room for it, and are you willing to?
• If you met it in a year, would you be pleased or just relieved?

Give every goal a version for bad weeks

Write two versions of each goal. The full version is what you do in a good week. The minimum version is what you can still manage when the week falls apart.

Ten minutes of practice instead of an hour counts. So does one page instead of a chapter, or a walk round the block in place of a run. When you run the minimum version, write it down as a week kept, because that is what it was.

Then tie each version to a moment that already happens in your day. After the children are in bed, say, or when the train leaves the station. A goal with a fixed place needs less deciding, and tired people find deciding harder.

The study found that physical health, weight loss and eating habits were the most popular resolutions. If your goal is one of these, talk to a GP or another qualified professional. They can help you set a target that is safe for you.

What a few months of notes showed one deputy head

Take a fictional deputy head in her forties who wants to be less tired. In January she writes: stop working late, and stop checking email after eight. By February she has broken both most nights and feels worse than when she started.

In March she rewrites the goal as something to move towards. She will leave school by half past five on three days a week. At home, the first half hour goes on something that is not work. Her minimum version is one day a week, chosen on Monday morning.

She keeps a two-line note each week: which days worked, and what got in the way. Exam season brings two weeks of minimum only. By June the notes show something she had not noticed. Wednesday failed every time, because of the late meeting she chairs.

So she stops choosing Wednesday and moves the meeting's preparation to Tuesday morning. She would not have spotted that from memory. The notes showed it.

Review the month without marking yourself

A review exists to help you decide what happens next. Set a short one each month, at the same time, with the goal and your notes in front of you. Twenty minutes is enough.

Begin with what happened. How many weeks did the full version happen? How many did the minimum? What got in the way most often? Only then make one of three decisions on purpose.

• Keep it as it is, because the record shows it is working.
• Change it: a smaller full version, a different moment in the day or a new minimum.
• Stop it, and write one line on why, so the decision is yours.

Let a year of notes shape next year's goals

Stopping a goal you no longer want is a decision worth making. It frees time for the goals that still matter, and the line you write explains the choice to your future self.

Over a year, the monthly notes tell you things a fresh resolution cannot. They show the weeks that are always hard and the goals you keep coming back to. When you next sit down to set goals, start by reading them.

A notebook will do the job. OTO Life, coming soon from OTOvios, will bring your agenda, goals, routines and wellbeing together in one place, with a voice companion.